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User talk:TinyCthulhu
EmpyrealInvective (talk) 04:04, February 18, 2017 (UTC) Story deletion Your story has been deleted because it doesn't meet the wiki's quality standards. If you feel that it did meet the standards, please state your case on Deletion Appeal. Make sure you follow the instructions to the letter there, or your appeal will be automatically denied. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO REUPLOAD YOUR PASTA. If you upload it again, you'll receive a 1-day ban from editing, as per the rules. Read the Deletion FAQ and our Style Guide for Writing for details on the 'what' and 'why' of the deletions we make. Read this guide and these blog posts for further details on how you can improve your story/stories to make them meet our quality standards. For additional help, submit your story to the Writer's Workshop for feedback. :I'm afraid your story was deleted since it wasn't up to the wiki's standards. You have a lot of potential though, so I will write a short review to let you know how you can improve. :First of all, I have to point out there were quite a few grammatical mistakes for such a short story. Namely, I noticed a lot of apostrophes misplaced/missing. For example, you write "subs" while you should have written "sub's". Also, you have some awkward phrasing in there. For example, "It moved it’s head to the subs direction. Its head was anything but humanoid though. The back of it’s head was elongated". (first of all, this shows the apostrophe issue again, with "It moved it's" instead of "It moved its") In this short sequence you write the word 'head' three times. Repetition like this looks ugly to the reader. I suggest you change this up. Errors like this can easily be caught by a read-through or two. :There is also an issue with the plot, I'm afraid. There are tons of stories with humans digging up "their god" and they all make the same mistake. They have the god speak to them immediately. They see him, he is usually asleep, he wakes up and boom, he speaks to them and asks them to be his worshippers. There is no mystery, no awe-inspiring moment, no nothing. Everything happens so fast that it is becoming predictable and unimpactful. You story unfortunately follows the same pattern. I would suggest you try a different approach to make it work. You have to go a different route if your story is to stand out. An idea that popped into my head is this: :The sub enters the cathedral (you should drag this part out more, by the way. Have the sub scrape in, then detail the cathedral a bit more as the sub makes its way across + some more description on the sub's route, eg. it passes through some seaweed, it narrowly avoids some rubble etc.). When it finds the god, don't have the god wake up immediately. Describe in more detail his appearance. Then, he slowly makes a movement. Then he starts to wake up, but can't get up because of its chains. Have it stand up for a second in front of the sub and describe the scene in all its glory. Then, he tries to break out of his chains, but is unable to. This is where you should end it. It is left in a mysterious note that makes the reader yearn for more. You can detail what happens next in a later story. :As for the sub, you can say that in his struggle the god hits it and it malfunctions, or that it is out of power or whatever and should return to the surface. :The above is much better, in my opinion. Finding gods has a ton of potential, but most of the time the stories follow the same predictable pattern. Be innovative and you will make something awesome. :Hope this helped. MrDupin (talk) 13:26, August 13, 2017 (UTC)